The Mother Ship

A coach’s perspective

Parents love their kids! As parents, we spend years investing in our children trying to help them realize their dreams. With such an investment, the payoff for a parent often comes from watching their child perform in the arena they have chosen to participate. Watching your child’s efforts and hard work come to fruition can be very rewarding and sometimes very frustrating. As a parent, we ride the emotional roller coaster with every success and failure that comes with watching our child compete. Almost with certainty, the child returns home after competition to the “Mother Ship” where conversations take place regarding the day’s events. These conversations can go many different directions from informative and constructive to very critical and destructive. As parents, we carry a great deal of influence when it comes to either contributing to or contaminating a certain set of circumstances or situations.

Coaches love their players! As coaches, we also spend a great deal of time making an investment in our players. The investment is oftentimes in the form of helping every player refine and sharpen their skill sets for the respective sport they are playing. The payoff for coaches is watching their players or team execute their skills in such a way that it leads to victory. Coaches also understand that most of our players will not have opportunities beyond high school and thus spend time trying to inject a “life is bigger than your sport” mentality. Messages of “team first”, “be a leader”, and “we need everyone pulling on the same rope” are part of the daily process of shaping and molding their team that not only is intended to prepare them for competition but also for life. Needless to say, coaches can also carry a great deal of influence on their players.

In my experience with coaching baseball at the high school level, I determined years ago that there is a challenge in trying to give every player a great high school experience while also trying to put the best product on the field in order to compete for state championships year after year. This balancing act can sometimes lead to friction between coaches and parents. It is difficult as a parent to trust someone else’s opinion about their child. When the opinion differs between coach and parent oftentimes there is now a fork in the road, this is where the “Mother Ship” plays a role. As the parent, do I convey a message of confidence and trust in the coach, “keep working hard, things will work out”, or do I convey a message of displeasure and contempt, “coach is an idiot, he plays favorites”. Both messages carry with them effects that can impact the team in either a positive or negative way.

As a coach, it is important that we convey messages and principles that are contributing to the development and success of the overall team culture as well as goals we set forth to achieve during a season. Coaches hope that these messages are being reinforced amongst players as well as by the “Mother Ship”. Generally, the friction between coach and parent is minimal during a season, but unfortunately, like a small amount of yeast in dough, a negative signal from the “Mother Ship” can have a big impact especially if that signal starts to infiltrate and spread among other players and parents.

If and when those bad vibes are starting to emerge:

1. Encourage your athlete to talk to the coach first.

2. Try not to “vent” about the negatives with or around your athlete.

3. Encourage your athlete to focus on the controllable.

4. If you feel a meeting with the coach is necessary, reach out to the coach about a time that works best for both parties. Try to refrain from trying to meet with a coach before or after a game.

Is a coach’s message only as good as the reinforcement from the “Mother Ship”?