Burchy and Big Guy

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17

In 2009, I was making my first state tournament appearance with the Putnam City North Panthers. At that time, the state tournament was comprised of two, four team brackets, competing in a double elimination bracket where each winner would play a winner-take-all game on Saturday for the state championship. Our first round draw for the tournament were the Enid Plainsmen and we were able to emerge victorious which would match us up on Thursday with the Owasso Rams. Now for those that may not know, the Rams are very well known for their baseball tradition and were really on a roll. They were currently seeking their third straight state title along with with winning seven state championships over the previous ten seasons. The winner of the game would put themselves in a position to have to be beaten twice on Friday to be eliminated. As good fortune would have it, the Panthers came out on top that day. The Rams would go on to win the elimination game that evening which would set up a rematch the next day and that’s where this story begins.

I remember arriving at Claremore’s field early with the team since there were no games in front of ours that day. It was going to be the Panthers versus the Rams for a shot to play for a title the next day. As our team was settling in and getting ready to begin their pregame preparation, I was making sure I had things ready and as I did this I was looking for Burchy and the boys because I knew they would be arriving soon. As I was walking from the right field foul line toward the dugout, I saw Kaden and Ketch come through the gate onto the field headed toward Dad. At the time, Kaden was eight years old, and Ketch was just three. Kaden was more on a stroll to Dad while Ketch, the energizer bunny, was running as fast as his little legs would take him. When Ketch got to me I bent down a bit and he jumped up into my arms and Kaden soon followed where I stood with Ketch in one arm while my other was around Kaden. It was definitely a great moment but what I did not know at the time was how impactful of a moment it was to someone else that I had no idea was watching.

Coach Holleman in a massage chair at the Mohegan Sun

Shortly after the family encounter it was time to start dialing in for the game. I needed to to exchange line ups with Owasso so I could get my dugout line up card in order. I made my way over toward the third base dugout to greet coach Turner and give him a copy of the line up and before I could reach him Coach Holleman, the long time first base coach for the Rams stopped me and asked if he could share something with me briefly. Of course I said yes and he began to tell me about how arriving at the ballpark that day he was a bit nervous and unsettled. He then told me that while he was pacing around and trying to find some inner peace he looked over to see two young boys running to their dad and jumping in his arms and in that moment he found peace. He said that at that moment he was able to take a deep breath and knew things would be fine but wanted me to know that was a special moment for him. I was very appreciative of coach sharing that story with me and it helped me to find calm that day as well. The day would see the Rams win two games that day and they would win their third straight title the next day.

That moment that Coach Holleman shared that day was the beginning of a friendship that I cherish to this day. After the Rams beat us in the second game to advance to the title game, as I was holding Ketch in my arms, I asked coach Holleman if there was ever a time I could visit with him about some of the aspects of their program because success leaves clues and the Rams were very successful. His response was “absolutely, I’d be glad to sit down and talk to you.” Later that summer I found myself sitting down with coach Holleman in a restaurant in Owasso and leaving with some ideas of my own I would like to try to implement as the new head coach at Edmond North. Of course, as we sat and visited, he would ask about the boys and relived that moment on that Friday afternoon in May just a couple of months ago. I remember leaving that day thinking how cool it was that he took the time to sit down and share thoughts and ideas with a young coach and on a side note he paid for lunch as well.

As time would go on, we started scrimmaging Owasso before the regular season began and as such I was able to see coach Holleman with a little more frequency and every time we played he would always ask about the family and of course how the boys were doing. It wasn’t unusual for him to make mention of that Friday back in May of 2009 which always brought back great memories for the both of us. In the spring of 2011, we went up to Owasso to scrimmage and we were lucky enough to face Dylan Bundy that day who would go on to be the fourth overall pick in the MLB draft that summer. Facing this kind of a talent does not come around very often and so in about the second or third inning I had the wild idea of asking coach Holleman if he could get Dylan to sign a baseball for Kaden. He looked at me and said “are you serious?” with a bit of a chuckle. I laughed and said yes coach, this guy is going to be a first rounder. Coach simply smiled and continued his coaching duties at first base. Several innings went by then I noticed coach was giving me one of those non verbal gestures that I was reading as “come here.” I went to the top of the dugout stairs where he met me and very discreetly pulled a baseball out of his jacket pocket. I could tell by his delivery and mannerisms this was something he did not want very public so I immediately thanked him quietly and put the ball in my bag. On the bus ride home, I pulled the ball out of my bag and on the ball it read “To Kaden, best of luck, Dylan Bundy”

Coach Holleman with a photo bomb at the all-state games 2013

In 2012, as an unlikely qualifier, our Edmond North Huskies found themselves punching their ticket to the state tournament. Where would we be playing the first round, Claremore, who would be our opening opponent, Owasso. (Cue twilight zone music) Yep, here we are again, playing the Rams on a Thursday at four o’clock in Claremore, Oklahoma. I told the team that the last time I played Owasso on a Thursday at four we came away with victory. This was also the first year the state tournament was strictly single elimination so there was no place for a slip up, lose and go home. It was best on best on the bump that day and when the last out was made we were on top 3-1. It was an exciting moment for sure but what happened next had a far reaching impact on me. As soon as the last out was made and the rest of team rushed out of the dugout to celebrate, I immediately headed toward coach Holleman, standing at first base, to extend my hand for a game well played and what he did next was teach me a lesson. As I approached him and began to extend my hand, I noticed a look he had on is face and with his hands in the pockets of his jacket made some sort of gesture that without saying a word I quickly figured out that he was telling me it was ok to go celebrate with the team first. Wow! I have never forgotten that moment and remain very appreciative of the fact that his respect for the opponent and the game remained at the forefront. He wanted me to enjoy that moment with the team.

Two days later, the Huskies would claim their first state title. During that championship game, I later found out that Burchy only saw half the game due to her superstitious nature. She would spend half of each inning pacing in the tunnels of Oral Roberts stadium believing that was the magic for the Huskies that day. Who am I to say she was wrong because we won but I also found out later that while pacing one of the people she was texting updates was coach Holleman. He had reached out to Burchy via facebook messenger and asked her to text him updates which she did. She said that before the game that day he had reached out to wish us luck and to tell Karl to make sure he hugs the boys. He was very congratulatory after our win which was greatly appreciated. Burchy said the morning after the game she found a message from Coach Holleman telling her he woke up worried that in the craziness of the weekend Karl might not have remembered all-state nominations were due that Monday and to make sure and remind him. Again, I was blown away that he had the thought and took the time to reach out about a detail like that but as anyone that has read this far is starting to find out that Coach Holleman was a bit different and in a great way. Usually, every May, Burchy will post the picture of the boys in my arms celebrating the state championship on that Saturday in May of 2012 and coach would usually message her reminding her of how special that picture was as it reminded him of that day back in 2009.

Since moving to Florida in 2016, my interactions with Coach Holleman would only consist of an occasional brief encounter at a national clinic but I always tried to reach out on special occasions such as birthdays, father’s day, Christmas, etc. He would always respond with a greeting and a kind word.

Coach asked for Burchy’s approval to make this post

I did not know Coach Holleman like people from Owasso. While my time and interactions with him were for the most part limited to ballparks and clinics,I do know that in the time I did spend with him that he was about as genuine as a person I’d ever met. While he was soft-spoken he had a way of communicating with not so many words that somehow reached you at a deep level. I also know that within that unassuming demeanor was a competitor that was out to win and of course occasionally I would see that side of him that enjoyed a good laugh. He always showed a genuine interest in how me and my family were doing especially those boys. I respected his intention to be discreet and personal as it maintained a true sense of professionalism that he always continued to uphold. I have read many a tribute to him written by members of the Owasso community as well as others that coached/taught with him and were coached/taught by him. In simple words, everyone seems to agree that Coach Holleman was not only a great man but a Godly man. It seems that his superpower was service leadership and he did that to the nth degree in many different arenas. As for me and my family, we will cherish his friendship, his willingness to share, his genuine concern and happiness for our well being, and his willingness to lead by example. Thank you Coach Holleman for all you taught me and for allowing us to share in a small part of your life, you will be greatly missed and I will make sure I hug the boys for you. From one 17 to another, I hope to see you on a heavenly ball field one day my friend.

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5k to 50k Why Not?

As many already know, our oldest son Kaden works at Fleet Feet in downtown Pensacola when he is not slinging shakes and teas at BAM Nutrition. He has quickly become a shoe specialist and trains runners of all kinds to compete in their respective events. This line of work has also opened him up to the running world and the multitude of events that are available to those willing to subject themselves to various degrees of torture. I never thought of myself as a runner but I will have to admit that through his influence and gaining knowledge about various training methods, I have grown to tolerate and maybe even look forward to days where I can escape through a distance run of some sorts. Kaden was a big influence in my decision to compete in my first 5k event, The Double Bridge Run in Pensacola. I have since continued to try and maintain some semblance of regularity with my running and am looking forward to attempting the 15k of the same event in February.

Kaden of course, due to the training he provides through Fleet Feet, maintains a very regular running routine throughout the year. I do try to make it a point to attend many of these training sessions as it provides an accountability factor of some sorts as well as a variety of scenery through downtown Pensacola. I have also found through my experiences that there is a running community out there that is vast and there are so many different running experiences that await those runners on almost a daily basis that they can take to satisfy their craving for physical activity. Through my participation, I have also discovered a camaraderie that is formed between runners as they share their experiences with each other.

Back in November of 2022, Kaden and Lauren participated in the Turkey Trot which was a 5k event in Pensacola. A few months ago, Kaden informed me that he was signing up for a 50k. I think it took me a second or two to digest what he said and probably had to have him say it again, “you’re going to run a what?” He said it again, “dad, I’m going to run a 50k.” I was definitely caught off guard and immediately asked how far that run was going to take him. He told me it was going to be at the equestrian center on a two and a half mile loop that would see him complete roughly thirty-three miles. Of course, I was thinking that he hadn’t even done a half marathon, let alone a marathon and here he was committing to run well past the twenty-six point two mile marker. My next question pertained to his training and he began to tell about the rough details of the training which would eventually see him running fifteen to twenty miles on many Sundays as well as logging a substantial amount of miles during the week most of which would take place in the heat of the Summer which would turn out to be one of the most brutally hot Summers we have seen in some time. I must say, Burchy and I were very impressed and worried with his training throughout the Summer as he began to accumulate miles day after day in the heat. He seemed very determined to prepare his body and mind for the event that would await him on the upcoming Labor Day weekend.

As Saturday, September 2nd approached, the forecast was starting to look like rain on that morning with some cooler temperatures which would be very welcomed for those participating in the event. That week would also see myself and Ketch come down with some kind of crud that made the week a real struggle to get through. On Friday, I remember getting a call from Kaden asking how I was feeling. I told him I was starting to feel better but still wasn’t feeling my best. He then preceded to ask me how I felt about running and I’m sure the pause on the phone seemed to last an eternity because my mind was trying to figure out why he was asking me about running. He then told me that during his event, after fifteen miles he would be allowed to have someone run with him as a “pacer” or just someone to keep him company. I kind of giggled I think and told him in a very not so reassuring voice that I would have to think about that one. My mind was telling me that getting up at 4:30am on Saturday to be at his event for its eventual start at 6:00am was going to be tough enough after a long week of not feeling well let alone trying to convince my mind to put my legs in motion around a 2.5 mile loop. I told him I would think about it and see how I felt on Saturday.

Kaden was already at the venue when we arrived at 5:15am ready to roll. Burchy and I were both amazed at how many people were already set up for the event and I might say the set ups were very impressive. It was evident that many of these people had “been here done that” before based on what their camp looked like. These setups included tents, chairs, lights, tables, various foods and drinks. I knew running thirty-three miles would take a while but I also learned very quickly some of these people were here to run a one hundred mile event as well that would take longer than twenty-four hours. Holy smokes, a hundred miles? Wow! Kaden was in good spirits and seemed ready to begin his quest for a 50k finish. As the morning went along, we saw Kaden take a quick pit stop with every lap to replenish drink or grab a bite to eat. I must say, it was amazing to see so many people participating at various levels of this event which included a wide range of ages and body types. It was becoming clear that there is something that brings these people back to these events time and time again. There was one gentleman that kept changing into costumes to complete each of his laps which was very entertaining to watch.

After Kaden completed his first fifteen miles, he stopped for a quick break where is stated he was not feeling very well and it was at that time he looked at me and asked if I was ready. I must say I was feeling pretty good since I had some time to ease into the day so I pulled my shirt off and told him I was ready. As we took off on my first loop with him, I’ll have to say I felt a sense of gratitude being able to share this experience with Kaden. One, I was grateful that my body was physically accepting of me to do this and two I was thankful that Kaden wanted his dad to accompany him on this run. I’ll have to admit, that even if I did not feel like it, I was not going to let him down and miss this opportunity. During my first loop I followed his lead as to when he wanted to jog and when he wanted to walk. His fellow colleague from work, Mark, also spent a good deal of time with us through the loop. As we were traversing the course, we came into contact with many people. Many of these people were also participants in the event but there were also many positioned along the course for direction and encouragement. Kaden and Mark would offer positive comments for fellow runners as they were on their own personal quest to reach a goal. It was pretty awesome to see that while there were so many from different walks of life here they all were grinding it out together and each was encouraging the other to keep going. Some were running at a pace that I could not fathom while others were walking step by step chewing up the thousands of steps it would take to complete their task.

I ended up completing three loops with Kaden which would be about seven and half miles worth of his journey. It will be seven and half miles I will never forget and am truly grateful that I had that opportunity with him. I also walked away realizing how many people are out there chasing their own challenges and celebrate overcoming them. After seven hours and six minutes, Kaden accomplish his goal of completing a 50k. Lauren accompanied him on his last lap and brought him to the finish where he crossed with a smile on his face even though his body was experiencing a discomfort he had never felt before. I know he had to feel a great deal of pride in his accomplishment as well as relief as he stated he would never do it again……which I’m not so sure about. Soon after, he was quick to send Burchy and myself a text expressing his gratitude for our support and love through his event which was greatly appreciated. It was then, that in quick reflection of the event that had transpired that morning just how lucky I was that we were able to share in that experience with him. I’m sure I can speak for Burchy in saying that we both felt an overwhelming sense of pride and love for Kaden and what he was able to achieve for himself that Saturday morning.

I think he will soon realize that while finishing the race is a feat in itself, the will and determination that was required to silence the inner self that was probably begging him to stop is much more of an accomplishment as it adds a layer of armor to oneself that will serve to protect as life continues to delve out adversity. Often times, the biggest joys in life lie right on the other side of difficult and struggle, we just have to fight to get to the other side. I told Kaden this event was a true testament to staying present in the mind, focusing on the next step and running the race 200ft at a time. We spent many years working on mental strategies hoping it would be the key to a promising baseball career and little did we know how well it would serve him later in the world of running and in life.

We love you Kaden and are so proud of you. Keep running the race, we are always here for you and ready to run a lap with you if you need it. Keep dominating life 200ft at a time big guy!

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The Aggie Classic

More Than Just a Tournament

It was August of 2012, as the head coach of the Edmond North Huskies, I was on the phone searching for a spring break tournament that could provide competitive baseball along with an opportunity to grow our bond as a team and provide many with life experiences and memories that could be remembered for years to come. Our eyes were set on the beaches of the Emerald Coast in the Panhandle of Florida and Greg Blackmon answered my phone call. After a brief conversation, it was confirmed that we had acquired a spot in JM Tate High School’s spring break tournament, The Aggie Classic. Little did I know on that August day the chain of events that had been set in motion.

The Aggie Classic already had a good representation of Oklahoma high school teams that had previously attended the tournament in prior years. I had reached out to fellow coaches that had attended to gain insight into how to make the trip meaningful for our team as far as the things to do and what to avoid as we would be spending the week on Pensacola Beach.

I’ve known Greg Bloyd since he was 14years old. Coached him and coached with him.

Spring break 2013, we found ourselves playing for the championship of the Aggie Classic inside Blue Wahoo’s stadium, a local double-A ballpark for a major league affiliate. We came up short that night but enjoyed a great week of baseball filled with memories from a week on the beach. We would return for the next three years, never reaching the finals again, but continued to play quality opponents from various states as well as add to a collection of life experiences that provided a multitude of memories. During those four years, we also made connections with people from the Pensacola area that would lead to a decision to move our family from Oklahoma to Florida.

Brian Aylor. Always admired his attention to detail to the game, his teams are always prepared to play.

Fast forward, I am now in my seventh year as an assistant baseball coach at JM Tate High School helping to put on the very tournament that I was bringing a team full of teenagers to not so many years ago. As the years have gone by, the Oklahoma connection to the tournament is still strong with the biggest representation outside of teams from Florida.

Todd Brown. Coached with him at two different schools. Excellent coach and storm chaser extraordinaire.

On the Monday morning the tournament begins, there is a traditional coaches breakfast where the coaches are provided breakfast as they acquire information pertaining to the tournament. What I have found over these seven years is that this breakfast is more than just some baseball dudes eating food and getting some information, it is a reunion of sorts especially for this transplanted Okie coach. As coaches enter the cafeteria, there are many hugs and fist bumps as we greet each other and begin to catch up on the past.

Each year as I learn which Oklahoma teams will be attending the tournament, I find myself eager to attend that Monday morning breakfast to reconnect with coaches that in many ways have helped shape who I am not only as a coach but as a person. Some teams return faithfully each year while some may take a break and explore another region of the country and others are making the trip for the first time. Regardless of the frequency of their return, it’s always great to have the opportunity to visit and reconnect with coaches from years past.

Shawn Newkirk. Multiple state championships. Admired the consistency of his ball clubs.

As I grow older, I find that my perspective on baseball has shifted somewhat. Many of these coaches that make the trek to Pensacola are the same coaches that I spent many years competing against as well as a with over the biggest portion of my coaching career to date. As a young coach starting out, the focus was primarily baseball and how to accumulate as many wins as possible with the ultimate goal of winning the last game of the year. We were coaches that started out learning from names like Cobble, Craft, Long, Harvey, Graham, Wisely, McVay, McIntire and Crosbie to name a few. As coaches that either played under or played for some of these names, we began to shape our own ideas and strategies to continue to grow the game and infuse that knowledge into the players we coached. As time goes on, we as coaches, started growing as families, getting married and having children. These variables also led to perspective shifts as a coach and as such one starts to look beyond the field as you begin to see life after baseball. Trying to provide a great experience for the high school athlete as well as trying to remain as competitive as possible on the field is a tough balance for any high school coach.

Craig Troxell. Always had his teams ready to play and compete.

Many of the coaches that visit the beach each March may not realize the impact they have had on me as a coach as well as a person. Competing against many of these coaches for years, I spent time admiring their ability to get their teams to perform at a high level all the while maintaining a culture of success. I know that no team is immune to adversity, but from the outside I saw all the positives and wanted to instill those skills and values into each team that I coached. I saw that for many family was so important so I always tried to ask how their family was as they were just as concerned for mine. As we progressed through the years as coaches, we encountered the thrill of victory right along with the agony of defeat. We would see each other at monthly meetings as well as clinics and continue to revisit those experiences and most of the time we always enjoyed a good laugh as well as share a few inappropriate jokes that only baseball coaches know how to share.

Dale Pearson(left) Ryan Phillips(right). Competed agains Dale many times, great coach. Coached Ryan as a player and had many epic battles in Edmond. Great coach and friend.

Seven years ago we made a decision for our family to have an experience, so we moved to the beach. I left behind a brotherhood of coaches that I loved dearly and have since started a new brotherhood of coaches here along the coast of Florida. Each year when March rolls around, I am so grateful to see parts of that brotherhood that helped shape who I am today as a coach and a person. Collectively, these coaches have amassed thousands of wins and continue to pursue a season that culminates in a state championship but I also know that they also take great pride in being championship fathers and husbands.

Shane Hawk. Coached against Shane when he was a player and had many a battle against him as a coach. Great coach that always has his teams prepared.

I am grateful for the coaches that I am surrounded with today that continue to pour into me and are continuing to help my growth as a coach and a person but I will also be forever grateful for those I spent twenty plus years with that helped establish the foundation for my coaching career. You can take the coach out of Oklahoma but you will never take the Okie out of the coach. I love my Okie coaches and look forward to their annual journey to the beach each March for The Aggie Classic.

Here’s to you boys, best of luck. I’ll be watching from the beach!

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Influence is a Two Way Street

From the moment someone becomes a parent, they become responsible for every aspect of the child’s life. As time goes on, a parent not only is responsible for the care and well-being of the child but also start to concern themselves with how they are influencing the child. The influence of the parent is very important as it helps shape the various aspects of a youngster’s life as it relates to morals, values, character traits, and habits. A parent also knows that despite their best efforts to influence in the best way that their pride and joy will have to ultimately make decisions of their own. The influences of the world that exist beyond the parents’ control can be very concerning as children grow old enough to begin to venture out on their own away from the protective reach of their parents.

Burchy and I have been blessed to be parents now for almost twenty-two years to two amazing and wonderful boys. We have spent many years trying to teach, guide and influence both boys the best way we can in hopes that when faced with decisions they must make on their own that they will opt for the best possible choice. We certainly have made our mistakes but continue to guide them as we continue to grow in our own way and pass along lessons that are still learned even as we both have passed the half-century mark in age.

As much influence as a parent has on a child, the same holds true when you realize the child can also have a certain amount of influence on the parent. Our oldest son, Kaden, will turn twenty-two today. In those years, we have certainly witnessed where our influence has helped guide his decisions but we also have seen where we need to also allow for individual growth and development. We are also starting to see where his journey has greatly started to influence the path upon which we walk.

During the last couple of years, Kaden has really taken a great deal of pride in his personal health and fitness. Soaking up knowledge about exercise and nutrition, we found it difficult to prepare meals that met the nutritional standard for our young, budding health nut. After spending many months trying to prepare two meals, we found ourselves gradually making shifts in our dietary decisions as Kaden continued to try and educate us on the benefits of those decisions. Kaden’s immediate influence found its way into the exercise and nutrition habits of our youngest son, Ketch. He was starting to eat the same things and was finding his way to the gym on a regular basis as he began to see his body change in a positive way. It wasn’t long after that, Burchy and I were starting to make frequent trips to the gym as well.

Kaden’s journey has also led him into the running world as he found employment with a local Fleet Feet store that recently opened in downtown Pensacola. Due to this opportunity, and his influence, Burchy, Ketch, and myself have found ourselves on the doorstep of the running world. I must admit, and I say it often, my eyes have been opened to the running community. Not sure how it has happened, but the three of us are now training for a local 5K event the first weekend of February. Never in my life did I think I could tolerate any kind of distance running, but here I am becoming more educated and looking forward to training sessions each week as we anticipate the big event.

This past weekend, the training involved an open run that would take us onto the three-mile bridge here in Pensacola. I found myself really looking forward to this opportunity as I envisioned myself making it to the highest point of the bridge. Due to my inexperience as a runner, my current stage of training has me running for forty-five seconds followed by a one-minute and thirty-second walk. This sequence continues until my desired distance has been met. The peak of that bridge, from our starting location, was about three miles and I was determined to get there. Burchy was also participating but would be walking her desired distance with Lauren, Kaden’s girlfriend. Kaden also participates but oftentimes runs ahead to help guide other runners so he can get back to support those upon their return from the run. We started our run and I activated my interval timer starting with a forty-five-second run. My timer alerted me it was time to walk so I began my walk. As the timer sounded again, I began to run, and then all of a sudden I feel another runner pull up beside me and to my surprise it was Kaden. He maintained my pace until it was time to walk, he then walked with me while we shared some conversation. I fully anticipated that when it was time to run again that Kaden would go ahead and forge on at his pace that would greatly outdistance him from me but to my surprise, he stayed right beside his dad. How cool was this?? He continued to run at my pace and then walk with me all the while sharing conversation with a few laughs in between breaths. As I continued with my forty-five-second runs I could sense Kaden could have easily left me behind but he continued to stay with me. I felt like an old beat-up truck trying to keep up with a Ferrari. We made it to the top of the bridge, yes, I felt like Rocky making it to the top of the steps. We enjoyed the view together, took a breather, and then started the three-mile journey back to our origination point. While returning, I couldn’t help but think how the influence of a child had me running on this bridge and doing something I thought I would never do. I definitely felt extremely blessed to have the opportunity to have this experience as well as to be able to do it as a family.

As parents, Burchy and I will always try and influence and guide our children through life but I also think we have learned to remain open to the influences of our children being that their journey and experiences can oftentimes add value to those that raised them. We are so proud of our boys as they continue to grow, learn and adjust as they navigate the path they create for themselves, and only hope that our influence and guidance will be a beacon that will give them direction. Iron sharpens iron.

Happy 22nd Kaden, Mom, Dad, and Ketch love you very much!!……and of course Papi too!

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27 Years

Marriage from a Baseball Perspective

December 30th, 1995. Yes, we are walking under baseball bats.

Today, Burchy and I celebrate twenty-seven years of marriage. As I reflect on our time spent as husband and wife it is abundantly clear that marriage never really reaches a destination but instead is a journey that is to be managed through the good and the bad, the thick and the thin, and the happy and the sad. Marriage can test you in ways that you never thought possible but can also give you some of the greatest rewards.

I have coached baseball for twenty-eight years now, and through my experiences as a player and a coach I can tell you that the game of baseball, as well as other sports, can challenge you between the ears as much as it can physically. I have spent the better part of the last eleven years educating myself on how to better handle and train players in the aspects of mental performance when it comes to the game of baseball. One of the foundational pieces I try to educate our young baseball players with is a program that I call White Noise(if you know you know) where I cover five essential aspects of mental performance. These five aspects are described by the acronym R.A.M.P-C. The “R” is responsibility, “A” is awareness, “M” is mission, “P” is preparation, and “C” is compete. I am now going to relate what I have learned in twenty-seven years of marriage to these five aspects of mental performance.

RESPONSIBILITY– with our players we talk about how they are responsible for EVERY aspect of their game. Such is the same in marriage, we are responsible for every aspect. I have learned that I am responsible for not only myself but also for the well being of wife. I am responsible for not only the care and nurturing of her physically but more importantly her spiritual and emotional well being. I am responsible for the attitude and effort with how I respond not only in the good moments but also in the moments that challenge me the most. With great power comes great responsibility and as I have discovered marriage is a powerful force that must not be taken lightly.

AWARENESS– with players we talk about how hard it is to fix aspects of our game when we are unaware of the things that need fixing. Bringing awareness to any aspect of life now gives us the ability to work on it as we see fit. Marriage presents us with a barrage of variables(yes, I teach math) along our journey, and having awareness as we stroll along can only aid us in our ability to maintain a healthy marriage. I have learned that I need to be intentional in my awareness of how my wife may be responding to my actions or perhaps my inaction in various situations. Being aware of her feelings and emotions in any given season of our marriage will only help me to respond in an appropriate way with words or actions of my own. Taking time to talk to my wife and receiving feedback in areas of our marriage will help me make necessary adjustments as we progress and transition through various stages of our union. In our family we joke a lot about having ATW(awareness to win), well when it come to my marriage I want to win at all costs so awareness is a key factor.

MISSION– with players we talk about always having a mission in mind when you start the day, the game, or the inning. If you do not have a specific mission then the dominant thought in your mind takes over and those types of thoughts generally gravitate toward the negative. In marriage, I have learned that each day I must be on a mission to pursue my wife. Yes, even after twenty-seven years it is important to pursue her in every way, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. In any new relationship, I think we can all agree, we have one mission in mind and that is to win that person over and we give a tremendous effort toward trying to accomplish that mission. In marriage, as the years go by, there is a natural tendency to become complacent when it comes to the pursuit of our spouse. Yes, we made a commitment til death due us part but the fun lies in the journey so the mission must be intentional each and every day to keep that fire from those early dating days lit(no, it isn’t always easy)so the marriage continues to grow into an unstoppable force on every level.

PREPARATION– with players we discuss the importance of preparing to play which involves not only the physical aspect of the game but also the mental which plays such a key role. I think in every situation the more prepared we are the more confident we feel going into any scenario. In the event of approaching the unknown, we prepare the best we can and take action only to reflect and learn on the backend in hopes of better preparation the next time. The early stages of marriage can be fun(wink) but also a little scary due to the discovery of all the new that is being presented from beliefs, routines, and values being meshed together. Often times, we prepare for the newness of marriage through counseling sessions at a local church or being inquisitive with those that are closest to us that have experienced the bond of marriage. I have learned that through the years preparation comes from having awareness of what has worked, what can I do better, and how will I do it better next time. Experience is a great teacher and also helps to prepare us for what lies ahead. Preparation has also come in the form of paying attention to those that have come before us in marriage years and observed what they have experienced and how that could impact our situation. Success leaves clues and paying attention to situations we deem valuable and asking questions can give us great insight into what is to come to help us prepare. Prayer, far and away, has become my best strategy to help me prepare for not only the long haul but the daily journey.

COMPETE– with players, we greatly emphasize the fact that in competition, when all else fails just compete your butt off. It is rare that as a player you always have your “A” game so you must dig down and compete in the moment to win that pitch. Marriage is not a linear progression, it is a journey that often times takes two steps back for every step forward, puts you on a mountain top only to push you off a cliff into a deep valley. I have learned that there is no instruction manual for a marriage, that it’s an organic living thing that changes moment by moment just like a baseball game changes with every pitch. Sometimes we fall out of the routine, inconsistent with the drill work, or often times just ain’t feeling it, and it’s in those moments we throw the mechanics out the window and just COMPETE!! The will to win can often times supersede any physical or talent deficiency we may have in a game. Such is what I have learned in marriage, despite my deficiencies and fears I just need to keep competing daily to love my wife in the ways she needs to be loved.

Twenty-seven years only describes the experience I have shared with Burchy, today is now the longest I have been married which presents itself with unknowns and opportunities for discovery and growth.

There is no recipe for a great marriage but many ingredients are involved. We tell players that the game is like a messy chicken sandwich, when you take a bite the sandwich shifts and we have to adjust to keep the ingredients from falling out. Such is marriage, as we experience life together things shift and therefore adjustments need to be made. We tell the players they have two choices. One, leave the game to chance, show up with no plan, no intention, just roll out and see what happens or two, be very intentional in your actions with RAMP-C as a guide to help in improving your game in every aspect. I think the same two choices are in play for marriage, be intentional or leave it to chance. I know which choice I’ll be making on a daily basis.

In marriage, we have a responsibility to become aware of every aspect so that we can set missions daily in order to prepare for the journey that lies ahead which will maximize our ability to compete for our spouse’s mind, body, and soul.

Happy Anniversary Burchy! I love you to infinity!

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Water

So what is it about water? This is a question that occupied my mind as I sat staring out the balcony window of a condo on Navarre beach Christmas eve morning. I began thinking that people are attracted to water whether it be an ocean, lake, pond, bay, or any waterway. Getting closer to bodies of water generally means real estate gets more expensive along with food, gas, and other amenities. While being able to live in a reasonable proximity of a body of water is doable for most, being able to live ON the water with a view is often considered by most a box that is difficult to check but still remains on the bucket list.

So why the fuss over water? I began to think about the possible reasons why others may feel the need to seek out the comfort of a view that includes water. Could there be a natural attraction due to the fact that water is essential for all life and a large part of what the human body relies on to function? Is it the sounds generated by perpetual waves crashing into the shore that brings a calm and inner peace in the midst of personal chaos? Can it be as simple as enjoying the aesthetics of the sun glistening off the water like a thousand light bulbs flashing at once? Does it provide the opportunity for activities that reach beyond the norm of things to do on a typical day away from the water? Does the mystery of water and what could exist under its surface lure many to find ways to explore its contents?

It was the lure of water and white sandy beaches that were at the forefront of the reason our family moved from Oklahoma to the panhandle of Florida seven years ago. As we visited the area over several years prior to our move, it became clear that we had developed a longing to be closer to…….yes…….the water. Every condo that we stayed in we would catch ourselves admiring the view of the gulf from our balcony, living room, and sometimes the kitchen. On occasion we were able to fall asleep to the sound of waves crashing outside the bedroom door. There was just something about it that brought an inner peace that helped bring about a present moment awareness that provided a distraction from any outside “noise” that may be playing in the background of our life. Being able to sit in a beach chair with your feet in the sand, sun hitting you in the face, listening to the therapeutic rhythm of waves continually churning up sand and a multitude of shells was an experience that was greatly anticipated as we made the annual trek to the Florida panhandle area.

Even after almost seven years of living in the proximity of the gulf, we still look forward to opportunities to see and hear the waves as we marvel at the various gradients of color from shades of green to deep blue. Every year starting in March, there are droves of people that make their pilgrimage to these types areas for reasons that are unique to them but have a common denominator of water.

Water is needed to sustain life but it can also take life, it is powerful yet can be so beautiful. On the surface, water seems so simple but under the surface, it holds many mysteries. Even the great Bruce Lee makes reference to water. The reasons and motives to find your way to a body of water vary greatly from person to person but one thing I think we can all agree on is the simple fact that we are all glad it exists.

So what lures you to the water?? Let me know in the comments.

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The Setup

Burchy and I were born and raised Okies and after 40+ years in Oklahoma, we made the big move to the beaches of Pensacola, Florida in the Summer of 2016. We knew that we were in for changes moving to a completely different region of the US, but one thing we were not prepared for was NO complimentary cheese at the local Mexican food restaurants. We are a family that loves food and Mexican food is usually at the top of the list. Kaden should be fluent in Spanish due to the amount of Mexican food Burchy consumed while she was pregnant with him.

Cheese enchilada w/ chili con carne ground beef taco, rice, corn con crema

In most Oklahoma Mexican restaurants, complimentary cheese is pretty much the norm so you can only imagine our amazement as we continued to visit Mexican restaurants in the Pensacola area and time after time NO complimentary cheese as well as tortillas and relish(onions, carrots, jalapenos) along with a post meal sopapilla. How could this be?? We found establishments that had some quality items but still could not find one that had the “total package” when it came to a Mexican dining experience that was to the standard we were used to in Oklahoma. For the King family, the “set up” is a big deal and sets the stage for a quality dining experience.

We typically travel home each year for Thanksgiving to visit family and enjoy the holiday season. Outside of visiting family, hitting up local eateries that we miss is always a priority and Mexican flavors are always on the list. This year we decided to come home for the 4th of July for many of the same reasons. A must on this years list was to dine in at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants Ted’s Cafe Escondido. Now there are many good ones here in Oklahoma but Ted’s has always been very consistent as far as taste, service, and overall dining experience. One of the areas we feel they excel at is their “set up”. Needless to say we must have looked like little kids walking into a toy store. As we sat and waited for our table, I chose to stare at the station where fresh flour tortillas were being made to deliver to various tables. Promptly after being seated, we were presented with chips and our own individual serving of salsa and of course COMPLIMENTARY CHEESE! We were then asked if we would like tortillas and as always we requested flour AND corn. We also had the option of having their atomic salsa which I really enjoy along with relish. As always, we ate too much of the “set up” and then the meal comes so we are trying our best to stuff the main course down which was excellent as usual. After requesting a couple of to go boxes we could not turn down the post meal sopapilla that is covered with cinnamon sugar and enhanced with a generous amount of honey squeezed on top. Needless to say, we left the establishment very satisfied with our experience, an experience that we have been missing for several years now. There have been some years that we have done a take out from Ted’s which is very good but there is just something about the “dine in” experience that left us saying walking to the car “that was fantastic!”

The “set up”. Yes, this is all complimentary.

I think we all can relate that everything is relative to where we are or where we are most comfortable and familiar. When you live somewhere for so long, the things we like become the “best” in any particular category. Now that we have had the opportunity to compare and contrast Mexican eateries in two different regions for a length of time, we have decided that it is hard to ignore the significance of a more dynamic “set up.” We will continue to hold out hope that at some point in the future Pensacola Mexican eateries will come around to at least some complimentary cheese and maybe even expand to tortillas and relish. If not, that is ok, we will continue to get our “set up” fix back in Oklahoma once or twice a year.

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That’s Why You Play The Game

In the Fall of 2001, the Edmond Santa Fe Wolves football team was under the direction of new head coach Dan Cocannouer. I was a freshman football coach with duties up in the box on Friday nights. After a miraculous must-win in the last game of the season, we found ourselves in the 6A playoffs for the first time in school history. We managed a first round victory on the road against the mighty Bombers of Midwest City which set us up for a home playoff game against the fifth ranked Moore Lions and one of the best pregame speeches I’d ever heard.

Before leaving for the game, we played our home games at a local college, Coach Cocannouer called the team together for his pregame speech. He began to tell the story of David versus Goliath. He made reference to how many outside of that locker room would consider this game very much a modern-day version of the same story. He reminded all of us about the faith and courage that David took to that fight believing God would help him prevail in what seemed to be overwhelming odds. Players were reminded how they had overcome the odds in previous weeks just to get to this opportunity. After several minutes of speaking, coach Cocannouer revealed the secret weapon that we would use to gain victory that evening. Just like David brought down the mighty Philistine with a stone thrown from his sling, coach then presented to us a bag full of stones. At this time, the college field was still a natural grass field. Coach Cocannouer then instructed each player and coach to choose a stone and upon arrival at the stadium for our routine walk on the field, they were to bury their stone over various parts of the field so there would be no place “Goliath” could go without getting “struck” by a stone. Having duties up in the box and arriving early to prepare, I hurried down to the room where the visiting coaches would be for the night and hid my stone in the corner where I hoped it would also contribute to the defeat of “Goliath”. We would claim victory that night and make a run to the state semi-finals where we would fall to the Jenks Trojans.

Just recently in the college baseball world, we saw the overall number one seed fall in their super regional and not qualify for the world series. I believe 1999 was the last year the overall one seed won the world series. Matter of fact, after round one of the world series this year, every national seed was in the losers bracket having lost to what many would deem the underdog.

There are countless hours of formulation, talk shows, and publications dedicated to how certain teams or individuals are ranked. These rankings generate certain perceptions and often times arguments over who will or should prevail in competition. Often times, the team with the higher ranking does indeed emerge victorious but we have seen so many times that many opponents are able to look past the ranking and find their inner “David” to claim victory.

Herb Brooks knew that on paper the Russians were better than his collegiate athletes in 1980 but all he had to do was get them to believe that they could be better one time. The 2000 Oklahoma Sooner Football team wasn’t given a snowballs chance in….well you know where. Florida State had NFL quality players all over the field, the Sooners had no chance. My brother-in-law, Bubba Burcham was on that team, and I was privileged to attended a banquet before the Orange Bowl where I heard Bob Stoops talk about how the media had it where it seemed the Sooners would not even need to get off the bus. He told everyone in that room that his team would travel to Miami and would indeed get off that bus to compete and indeed they did claiming a national championship weeks later.

As a coach, when you have a team that is highly ranked, it is tough to keep them grounded and away from any thought that just because of a number in front of your name the opposing team is going to just roll over and let you beat them. Likewise, when you have a team that seems to face unsurmountable odds against an opponent, it is just as tough to try and get them believing they can indeed be victorious. Great coaches are master psychologists to manage this balance depending on what kind of team they have that particular year. They are able to convince their players that the best team does not always win but it will be the team that plays the best.

Oftentimes in life, we are faced with similar scenarios that put us in the position of the underdog facing a situation or circumstance that seems like “Goliath”. It is in these moments that we must fall back on our faith and muster the courage to draw a “stone” and sling it at the giant we face. There are too many instances of individuals and teams beating the odds for any of us to not take a “shot” at whatever we are aiming for.

I say it all the time when I am involved in discussions regarding an underdog defeating a favorite….”that is why you play the game”!

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The Belts

In 2020, like many, the spring baseball season was canceled due to the Covid pandemic. One of our Tate baseball parents posted this picture along with a post describing the flood of memories and stories that were stirred by this 20-year collection of belts. I read the post and it inspired the following tribute to those 2020 senior moms. I thought it would be appropriate to now offer a tribute to all baseball moms on this 2022 Mother’s Day.

A long time ago
In a time that seems so far away
A story started to evolve
About a young boy and a game that he aspired to play

It started with his first glove, bat, and ball
And before you knew it,
He was signed up to play in the fall

So excited to finally wear that jersey and cap
Finish it off with that belt, cleats, and pants that only came to the kneecap
He wore it with pride and could not wait
To get on the field and step on home plate

It was time to shine and go compete
Watching him round those bases…well…it was those moments you just couldn’t beat
He played in the rain, wind, and cold
Through ups and downs onward we rolled

The years flew by year after year
Many moments that brought joy and a few that brought tears
The uniforms switched colors and the styles often changed
But his love for the game always stayed the same

Four years of high school seemed like an eternity
Blink of an eye and now there’s uncertainty
Not so long ago he felt he’d play forever
Hard to imagine life after baseball; a new endeavor

Some will go to college or perhaps be called a Pro
For some, the ultimate destination will be the show
For what once just seemed like a game
You’ll look back and realize it gave you more than fortune or fame

The game taught you life in a most unique way
Valuable lessons that can’t be bought with any payday
You respected the game and made friends for life
You learned how to handle failure and strife

Your parents stood by beaming with pride
Always teaching you to let your character be your guide
You won’t remember all the losses or wins
Dust will collect on all the medals and pins

But one day you’ll open a closet to see
Your mom kept all those belts for reasons you couldn’t foresee
Sure, to you those belts kept those pants from falling to the ground
But to your mom, those belts were windows into the past, memories that were so profound

No matter the color or the material they were made
Those belts serve as reminders that a mother’s love for her son will never fade.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

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The Perfect Moment

Burchy running to meet us while Kaden’s teammates look on

In 2002, I was an assistant coach at Edmond Santa Fe high school where we were blessed with a great group of young men that year. Following a great regular season, we won our regional and punched our ticket to the state tournament. Through a tumultuous double elimination round, we found our way to the state championship game. We were the first team from the west side of Oklahoma to play in the 6A finals, needless to say we were all pretty excited to have a shot at the title.

The state tournament was being held in the Tulsa area in 2002. The championship game was on a Saturday afternoon so we would need a time filler between the game and checking out of the hotel so we decided to take the team to the local mall and spend a few hours perusing around before we headed to Oral Roberts University for our showdown with the Jenks Trojans.

I distinctly remember walking around the mall that day thinking about all the “what-if’s” that might be awaiting in a few hours. The next day was Mother’s Day, so I was trying to find a last-minute gift for Burchy that would present itself as not so last minute. She was experiencing her second Mother’s Day as Kaden was barely a year old at the time. I also spent a great deal of time imagining what that moment might be like if we were able to hoist a state championship trophy that afternoon. In that moment of potential victory, I had many questions. Where would Burchy and Kaden be in that moment? Would I run on the field or find them in the stands first? Could I get to them in the midst of celebration where they could share the joy with me? I played out what seemed like a thousand scenarios in my mind only to realize that moment would not materialize as we fell to the Trojans that afternoon.

Fast forward ten years later to 2012. In a season that probably needs to be documented in a book of its own, I was in my third year as the head coach of the Edmond North Huskies. Following an improbable run to the state tournament, we managed to win our first two games of the eight-team single elimination tournament. We were matched up with the Broken Arrow Tigers who were returning to defend their 2011 state championship, needless to say the Huskies had their hands full once again.

We were occupying the same dugout I was in just ten years earlier(cue twilight zone music) with thoughts of that day and a desire to leave with a different result. The game was scheduled earlier than before and right behind the 5A championship game. We managed a late check-out from the hotel and went straight to Oral Roberts University for our preparation. I recall not spending much time thinking about the “what if’s” this time. I do remember walking into the stadium passing the newly crowned state champion Carl Albert Titans and thinking “man, that would be awesome to finish like that”. For many, these opportunities are very elusive and hard to come by with any type of regularity so we were hopeful to cash in on this moment.

A couple of hours later, as I stood in the first base dugout at ORU with a nervous anticipation, I watched Zach Barton make a 5-3 putout(he fielded a ground ball at third and threw it to first base for the out) to etch out a piece of history for the Edmond North Huskies as the first west side team to claim a 6A state championship. What ensued after that out really cannot be described in words that do the moment justice.

When the final out was made, there was a release of emotion that I just have no way of conveying other than relief and joy to the nth power(sorry, I teach math). With no premeditated thought, I ran out of that dugout with a reckless abandon, arms in the air with index fingers pointed as high as they would go, toward what was to be a dog pile of huskies that I was not going to miss(if you look closely, you can see a #17 falling back into the pile). I dove in with not a care about my safety and felt the weight start to increase as player after player piled on to the mass of huskies in the middle of the field.

As I lay there, I then thought about how I wanted Kaden(11) and Ketch(6) to share in the moment. Unbeknownst to me, Burchy had found a small opening that gave her and the boys access to the field. Coincidentally, Kaden’s baseball team was playing in Tulsa that evening which allowed most of his teammates to attend the game. After two outs in the seventh, Burchy ushered all the boys through the opening to the field. They were virtually on the field when that last out was made. I jumped up out of the pile looking for the boys and immediately found Kaden, and with my arms outstretched he found me and jumped up in my arms. With Kaden in my left arm, I was looking for Ketch. I found him but he did not see me due to his jumping around in all the excitement, he hasn’t changed much since then either. One of Kaden’s teammates saw I was looking for him and pushed him toward me where he ran and jumped up where I caught him in my right arm. By now the tears of joy were flowing and then the moment became complete as Burchy ran up and wrapped her arms around me and the boys as she screamed “Kinger you did it”! The emotions could not be contained as tears rolled down my face as I held my family in my arms. I held them for what seemed an eternity as I continued to cry tears of joy with an elated laughter that caused people to ask if I was ok as they congratulated me.

This was the moment I had imagined ten years earlier in that Tulsa mall that came to fruition on May 12, 2012. To this day, I’m not sure if I could script a more perfect ending, it was PRICELESS. Burchy will usually post the picture at the top of this post each year as it serves as a reminder of that special day in May. It still evokes emotion in me as I remember that moment so vividly that it will often times bring tears to my eyes as I relive the occasion, it truly was The Perfect Moment.

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The “Wasp”

This story was too good not to tell. The year is 2002, the team is Edmond Santa Fe, the time is a Saturday afternoon. We are due to go to Stillwater for the finals of a tournament against the Jenks Trojans. The late morning is comprised of our regular pregame routine of batting practice and pregame preparation before we load up and make the hour long trek to Stillwater. We load up on the bus and begin our journey North with coach Burleson at the wheel.

Here’s the layout, the players are all seated in their normal spots, coach Burleson is driving, I’m sitting directly behind him, coach Cobble is standing in the stair well with one leg up on a step like Captain Morgan, and coach Bryan Colley is sitting directly across the aisle from me with headphones on with his head down. As we pull out on Edmond road and head East, coach Burleson’s attention is caught by a moth fluttering in the driver’s side window. He attempts to shew it away a few times but his efforts are in vain. Seeing his struggles, I decide to raise up and help him try and eradicate the hinderance. So now, Burly and myself are opening and closing the window and swatting at the flying creature. It’s at this point coach Cobble takes interest and steps up to the top step to lean in and see what’s going on, meanwhile coach Colley has no idea what’s going on due to his head being down and listening to his music. This scenario played out for what seemed minutes but in actual time it had to be seconds.

Unbeknownst that while we were trying to exterminate this moth, no one was paying attention to where we were going on the road. Thankfully, we missed a telephone pole but drove straight into the curb of a driveway of a strip center of businesses. We hit that curb doing about 40mph and those that saw the video from the bus say that everyone flew up out of their seats in terms of feet. I can still remember the look on Burly’s face in that mirror and the panic as he grabbed the wheel. Of course there was immediate shock and awe from all of us swatting at the moth, coach Burleson quickly regains control of the bus and we make an immediate right turn and pull the bus up behind the strip center where we park. We quickly exit the bus to survey potential damages. As we are walking around the bus, we can here a loud hissing noise and soon come to realize that the outside rear wheel had popped and the wheel itself was bent. The air was flying out of that tire like it stole something. Meanwhile, we have players hanging out windows in amazement with their mouths wide open and we also had players, Kody Kaiser being one of them, that never missed a beat playing the game catch phrase.

Coach Cobble being the quick thinker he was says “quick, back on the bus and back to the bus barn.” The bus barn was about a half mile away. During our short trip back to the barn, we figured we better come up with something better than a moth we were concerned with while driving so we decided a pesky wasp was to be the culprit of the incident. We manage to get the bus back to the barn and park it. Coach Cobble finds the on duty maintenance guy and tells him that we just had an encounter with wasps on the bus which caused us to hit a curb and blow the tire. The maintenance guy replies “oh yes, we’ve been having trouble with them building nests on the busses.” We were beyond relieved when we heard those words. He proceeded to to get us a new bus and we were back on the road to Stillwater where we would claim a tournament championship that evening. WHEW!!

I think it took the entire trip to get ourselves collected to coach that game. We have laughed at that story for years and it continues to get told to this day.

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The Man That Ran Over Your Face With A Truck!

Coaching for 27 years, I have amassed a plethora of memories from ball park adventures. These memories encompass everything from wins and losses on the field to experiences that occurred off the field. I can say with certainty that some of my most memorable moments took place traveling on the “yellow dog.”

The first leg of my journey as a coach was at Edmond Santa Fe High School in Edmond, Oklahoma. Over the course of 8 years the journeys taken on the “yellow dog” were nothing short of epic. These are some of my fondest memories and still cause me to laugh out loud when I think about some them.

One of the challenges facing any coach on a road trip is ensuring that at the end of the trip the bus is clean. Year to year it is hard to find many players that will volunteer to stay and clean the bus. So, what is a coach to do? Many times coaches try to devise ways to appoint a player or players to stay and make sure the bus is cleaned.

Our head coach while I was at Santa Fe was Lonny Cobble. He instituted a game called the “Who Game” on return trips back to the school to determine the lucky soul that would stay and clean the bus. The cleaning opportunity was open to players and coaches alike. The premise of the game was trying to get someone to say the word “who” and if said the response to that player or coach would be “the man that ran over your face with a truck” and at that point it was on that player or coach. It was now the challenge to get someone else to say “who” to pass the responsibility. The game started as soon as we were on the bus to return and ended as soon as the bus turned into the school off 15th street and the bus cleaner would now be official.

I cannot tell you how many times players and coaches would swear they would not speak on the return trip only to succumb to some random question and ask “who”. There were so many different strategies employed. There were conversations directed at specific people trying to entice them to say the word while others would speak hoping eavesdroppers would take the bait and utter the word. Some players would let there be silence for a while only to spring a surprise attack of vague questions with hopes to catch someone off guard. Many times the torch would be passed two, three, four times on one trip.

On one occasion, a player was boasting about not getting caught just mere yards away from the turn into the school only to fall victim to a random question of “did you hear what they said?” That player was sweeping the bus only a few minutes later.

I fell victim to the game on a particular occasion. If I recall, we were playing in a tournament in Mustang, Oklahoma during the day. I really do not remember if we had won or lost but I know that something was eating at me about the game and I was not in a particularly good mood after the game. Players were starting to board the bus and I was standing at the bottom of the stair well. As I was standing there I could hear conversations and low and behold I could not resist and voiced the word “who.” I said it without even thinking and next thing I know Barrett Whitney, one of our players, is lurching forward from two seats back pointing his finger in my face screaming “the man that ran over your face with a truck!” I’m sure many would categorize my response as classic as it provoked an immediate acknowledgement that involved finger gestures and some words that were comprised of four letters. Probably not one of my finest moments. I believe I told him in so many words that I was declaring the game not in session at that moment and not so politely to sit back down and be quiet. I’m pretty sure I cleaned the bus that day. We all had a good laugh about it later.

There was just something about my time at Santa Fe and those bus rides that were so special. I tried to carry the game on with my next coaching stint at a different school but it just never took hold. My mother-in-law always says “you can’t bake a memory” and while those bus rides reside in my memory and bring a smile to my face they will never be duplicated.

If you feel inclined to share a story about the “yellow dog”, please feel free to share in the comments. We all need a good laugh every now and then.

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Opening Day!

For those that enjoy the game of baseball, Opening Day is cause for anticipation and excitement. As a fan, it generally marks the beginning of another promising season for their favorite team coupled with the sunshine that comes from the introduction of springtime. For many, these are reasons to celebrate and that bring on the warm fuzzy feelings and good vibes.

For the player, Opening Day also serves as the beginning of a new season that will serve as a proving ground for the work that was invested in the off season. It too is an exciting time that is often met with a nervous anticipation for good things to come.

Steve Springer is a former MLB player that has served as a mental performance coach for the Blue Jays and shares his wisdom through various social media platforms. Steve is always saying “play every day like opening day.” So what does this mean?

This is my take on his statement. On the surface, I think it states the obvious as it pertains to playing the game with that “opening day” excitement and “can’t wait” anticipation. On a deeper note, as it pertains to the mental side of baseball, it means to play the game with no “mental bricks.”

What are “mental bricks?” These “bricks” that players carry around result from all the negatives that tend to collect between the ears as a season goes along. These negatives are comprised of visiting past failures and projecting how these negatives will impact future performance. If the player does not have a system to recognize and release these bricks they can start to negatively impact performance.

On Opening Day, players are experiencing “firsts” for the spring which means they are void of mental bricks. As success and failures start to collect over the course of games played, these bricks can start to stack up.

I was fortunate enough to be afforded the opportunity to play professional baseball in the Twins organization. Reflecting on my short career, I know without a shadow of a doubt that my best at bat as a “pro” was my very first at bat at my first spring training back in 1990. That at bat was me, the same guy that was blessed to experience a very successful high school career. I was facing a guy that I didn’t know, found a pitch I liked and whacked it for a double. This was great!

As spring training went along, I had at bats that were good and some that weren’t so good. I remember after several games they posted stats and I saw where I was 5 for 19, that equates to a .263 average. My initial reaction was one of disgust and disappointment. Gosh Karl you suck, that is terrible! The negative self talk has started with a barrage of critical thoughts about my swing and what had to be wrong with it. The mental bricks were starting to accumulate and I had no knowledge or training on how to rid myself of the negativity. I’ll eventually blog about my “white noise” experience at a different time. The thing that I failed to step back and consider was the perspective of the level I was competing and failure was inevitable. I needed someone to tell me that .263 was pretty darn good at this point in the spring especially for a catcher. The season from that point was full of ups and downs, mostly downs, and the journey between my ears seemed to last forever.

So, how do you play everyday like opening day? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Be present. You need your mind to minimize thoughts that are either in the past or future. the present moment is the only moment you can control.

2. Take a deep breath and focus on your breathing. This is a technique that can help you stay focused on the present moment and control your heart rate.

3. Focus on the process. As a hitter, getting a hit is out of your control. Once the ball leaves your bat you no longer control what happens. The approach to the at bat or process is controllable. Hitting the ball hard each at bat is a more attainable goal each time.

4. Recognize and release the negatives. When you catch yourself focusing on the negatives find a way to release them. This can be done by a physical action or a verbal but find a way to release it a move on to the next pitch with present moment focus.

5. Try to maintain perspective. Remember that there are difficulties in every competitive arena especially hitting a baseball. Everything is relative to the level you are playing. Continue to work on your skills but also keep your failure in perspective.

6. Have Fun! Enjoy the game you play while you play. Not everyone gets to play the game. Find ways to keep the game fun.

Play everyday like opening day!!

I do have a certification in mental performance, if you want to know more about some of these ideas I have mentioned, shoot me an email.

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The Mother Ship part 2

A Parents Perspective

Parents love their kids! We know the time, sacrifices and investments that are made trying to help our children become the best they can be in the areas of their life that spark their interest. Parents tend to go as the child goes. When things are going well, we feel that sense of accomplishment and pride. When things are not going so well, we share the hurt and disappointment. For the majority of parents, when their child reaches a certain level of competition, they soon come to the realization that being able to “fix” things becomes extremely difficult. It’s at this point being a spectator becomes significantly more difficult than ever playing the game. The loss of control can sometimes lead us to do some bizarre things in order to preserve our sanity. You may see moms hiding under stands with just a sliver of vision to see their child perform or you may see dads standing in odd places where others are unable to hear the groans and comments that come with their displeasure of the performance. As a parent, our circle of control has been shrunk to almost nothing. About the only thing that stays within our control is the attitude and perspective we choose to keep in regards to our child and their circumstance.

It is currently midseason for most teams around the country and by now there have been various reactions and emotions to events that have transpired to this point in the season. These emotions have ranged from joy to disappointment to happiness and frustration. For some parents their player is an “everyday” player which is reason for good vibes but may be experiencing a lackluster season which dampens the mood and can bring on concerns for their future. For other parents, their player is trying to find their way into the line up and be given a chance to demonstrate their skills. Regardless of the circumstance, negativity can bubble up very easily.

Like many others, I have had the opportunity to reside on both sides of the fence. As a parent of one former player and one current player I have experienced the range of emotions that comes from that small circle of control. There are definitely good days and bad days, seasons that were great and seasons that just could not end fast enough. The barometer for your feelings is often dictated by gauging how your child is feeling about their set of circumstances. The question becomes “So how do I manage all of these emotions during the course of a season?”.

Here are some things that we have tried to employ over the years:

Maintain an attitude of gratitude. Try to remain thankful that your child has the ability and opportunity to play.
The line up is not in your control. Coaches will make decisions based on how they see things through their lenses not yours. Try to trust the process and be intentional with your energy on aspects you can control.
Help your player maintain perspective. If your player seems to be in a negative situation or circumstance try to help them reframe the scenario in such a way that can possibly lead to a more positive outlook. Life is full of uncertainty just like baseball and many of these experiences can be preparing them for future events that may not be related to baseball. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason.
Get involved. This one can be tough considering many times when we experience negativity there is often an urge to withdraw. I have told players for years the best way to combat their urge to focus on the bad within is to try and give your energy to someone else. Get off the bench after a strikeout and encourage a teammate or just talk the game a little. As a parent, we can try and find ways to invest in the team or program by offering our time or talents that may contribute to the overall growth of the team or program. If you find that your involvement has an undertone of “I’ll do this for that” then do not do it.
Support and encourage your player to add value to the team in whatever capacity their involvement is from game to game. Timelines are different for every player as far as physical and skill development but they can always contribute with attitude and effort in various ways.
Maintain a good parent perspective. Try and appreciate and enjoy the opportunities your player has relative to the level they are playing. Baseball playing days are finite and while we hope our player gets to play for their desired length of time the playing days do eventually end. For many this window of opportunity is small compared to the entirety of life. Most will spend more days not playing than playing.
Failure happens at every level. Baseball, especially the offensive aspect, is full of failure. Yes, during the early years there tends to be a higher frequency of success but as the years go on and the skill level of all players develops the rate of failure tends to increase. Hitting is a difficult skill at any level and ultimate success will come to those that learn how to deal with failure successfully. Trying to help your player maintain a healthy balance between expectations and failure is key for growth in the game. Even the big leaguers experience levels of failure so why as parents do we expect so much perfection from our own player? We have been there done that, again, it’s about balance.
Pray. Many times prayer is a great place to ask for inner peace.

These are some of the viewpoints and strategies Burchy and I have tried to use over the years and yes we have also failed miserably at this as well. It was especially hard with our first time through but we have continued to gain perspective on our second round but every journey is different and has its own set of challenges so hang in there.

Over the years we have also had takeaways concerning coaches. These takeaways are some that were learned through reflection as I was coaching as well as observed from the “cheap seats.”

Coaching styles vary in many ways. While I always felt good about my coaching style and it was favorable with my wife and kids it was not perceived as such by everyone. We have always tried to convey to our kids that experiencing various coaching styles can be beneficial in their development as a player as well as in life as we are not always going to be able to choose the style of our “boss” but we still need to put the work in and try to be productive for our “team.” Regardless of your style, always try to speak to your players and not at your players.
Be consistent. I had a young coach that was helping me one summer tell me that he appreciated the fact that he knew what to expect from me everyday he showed up as it pertained to my emotional state of handling things. He said that one of the things that was a negative about his high school experience was that his head coach was often unpredictable day to day and the players were never quite sure which coach was showing up each day. Consistency can also be referenced to handling situations as consistent as possible as they arise knowing there are always some exceptions and extraneous circumstances that coaches need to take into consideration.
Parents want their player to be valued. I had a meeting with a parent of a player that was not getting much playing time tell me to just make sure you make him feel valued. While they did desire to play more they were understanding but bottom line the player did not feel valued. This one may take some reflection and thought on how to help all players feel valued that fits within the framework of how a coach manages their program. This could take on developing more meaningful relationships with players where conversations can happen regarding their role and value to the team to finding ways to reward players for their efforts in the roles they comprise. “If we all don’t row the boat won’t go”, it takes efforts by everyone to contribute to the overall success of the team.
Communication. Communication is key in any relationship. The group of people that define a program from players and parents to those that help support the program want to be informed. These communications include current and future happenings that will be on a calendar to communicating the ideals and philosophies of each level of the program. These communications can help provide clarity in regards to the program and gives the coach a basis to make decisions that are founded in those philosophies and principles. This is also vitally important concerning players and limiting the grey areas they may have about their place and future in the program. As a head coach, I was very blessed to be part of two programs that took communication to a whole new level and felt like I did a good job of communicating to players and parents but I also know that I missed the mark in these areas as well. It’s easy to get caught up in the daily grind of baseball and sometimes it’s easier to bypass that “talk” with a player or parent.

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The Mother Ship

A coach’s perspective

Parents love their kids! As parents, we spend years investing in our children trying to help them realize their dreams. With such an investment, the payoff for a parent often comes from watching their child perform in the arena they have chosen to participate. Watching your child’s efforts and hard work come to fruition can be very rewarding and sometimes very frustrating. As a parent, we ride the emotional roller coaster with every success and failure that comes with watching our child compete. Almost with certainty, the child returns home after competition to the “Mother Ship” where conversations take place regarding the day’s events. These conversations can go many different directions from informative and constructive to very critical and destructive. As parents, we carry a great deal of influence when it comes to either contributing to or contaminating a certain set of circumstances or situations.

Coaches love their players! As coaches, we also spend a great deal of time making an investment in our players. The investment is oftentimes in the form of helping every player refine and sharpen their skill sets for the respective sport they are playing. The payoff for coaches is watching their players or team execute their skills in such a way that it leads to victory. Coaches also understand that most of our players will not have opportunities beyond high school and thus spend time trying to inject a “life is bigger than your sport” mentality. Messages of “team first”, “be a leader”, and “we need everyone pulling on the same rope” are part of the daily process of shaping and molding their team that not only is intended to prepare them for competition but also for life. Needless to say, coaches can also carry a great deal of influence on their players.

A scene from Independence Day where David explains that the Mother Ship’s signal is responsible for protecting the smaller ships.

In my experience with coaching baseball at the high school level, I determined years ago that there is a challenge in trying to give every player a great high school experience while also trying to put the best product on the field in order to compete for state championships year after year. This balancing act can sometimes lead to friction between coaches and parents. It is difficult as a parent to trust someone else’s opinion about their child. When the opinion differs between coach and parent oftentimes there is now a fork in the road, this is where the “Mother Ship” plays a role. As the parent, do I convey a message of confidence and trust in the coach, “keep working hard, things will work out”, or do I convey a message of displeasure and contempt, “coach is an idiot, he plays favorites”. Both messages carry with them effects that can impact the team in either a positive or negative way.

As a coach, it is important that we convey messages and principles that are contributing to the development and success of the overall team culture as well as goals we set forth to achieve during a season. Coaches hope that these messages are being reinforced amongst players as well as by the “Mother Ship”. Generally, the friction between coach and parent is minimal during a season, but unfortunately, like a small amount of yeast in dough, a negative signal from the “Mother Ship” can have a big impact especially if that signal starts to infiltrate and spread among other players and parents.

If and when those bad vibes are starting to emerge:

1. Encourage your athlete to talk to the coach first.

2. Try not to “vent” about the negatives with or around your athlete.

3. Encourage your athlete to focus on the controllable.

4. If you feel a meeting with the coach is necessary, reach out to the coach about a time that works best for both parties. Try to refrain from trying to meet with a coach before or after a game.

Is a coach’s message only as good as the reinforcement from the “Mother Ship”?

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It’s Time!

February 2022, a new year has begun and with that the start of another baseball season looms on the horizon. Tryouts have come and gone, and young men brim with excitement at the anticipation of what the future season promises for their teams. For many, this time marks the beginning of a new journey. Some players are getting their first taste of high school while others are awaiting the challenges that come from competing at the varsity level, to those that are lucky enough that will continue their journey at the college or pro levels. This time can be just as exciting for parents as they know the time and effort that goes into trying to make the team.

Ten years ago today, I started my third season as the head baseball coach at Edmond North High School in Oklahoma. To kickoff the season, we held the First Pitch Banquet for the players, their parents, and coaching staff. Edmond North is historically a very successful program with its share of victories over the years, including a state runner up finish in 2004. The program produced many a player who went on to play at the collegiate and professional level. The previous two seasons were full of ups and downs as we tried to continue to push the program forward. The 2011 season ended with frustration; We believed our team was better than the early exit we experienced at Regionals the season before. As with any program, the summers and off-season are spent implementing new ideas in order to enhance the overall success of the program for the following year. Heading into the 2012 season, we made positive gains with our players on many fronts that resulted in improvements over the previous two seasons.

All of this recent program history was present in everyone’s mind during the banquet. Following a great speech from our guest speaker Mickey Tettleton, the time came for me to deliver my take on the upcoming season. As I began my speech, I reiterated to the parents and players the history of Edmond North Baseball and the success it had seen over the years. I revisited the ending of the 2011 season and the disappointment and frustration that came with its ending. And then, with what seemed like a long pause on my part, I raised my right hand, clinched my fist, and slammed it down on the podium while exclaiming “IT’S TIME!”

After this obvious attention grabber, I told the parents and players it was time to put Edmond North baseball back on the map. The speech was met with enthusiasm and the saying “It’s Time” made its way onto a t-shirt, which proved itself to be a prophetic statement. The Edmond North High School Baseball team went on to win the school’s first 6A state championship in baseball that very season. For several years after that night, parents would come up to me and share how impactful my “It’s Time” speech was and how it served as an inspiring prologue to the fairytale ending of the 2012 season.

My wife Christy and I are starting this blog with the intention to share all our combined 50+ years of experience of teaching and coaching. Just like how in 2012 it was time for a program to rise to prominence, today IT’S TIME to start this blog.

-Christy and Karl aka Burchy and Big Guy

Surviving the Upside Down: 30 Years of Marriage

Burchy battles “Demos” while cooking and celebrating Christmas….true superpowers!

In less than 24 hours, five seasons of Stranger Things will come to a close after ten years of adventures and anticipation of what each of the next seasons would bring. We have watched young actors grow up on screen as they do battle through various dimensions. We have witnessed their victories as well as their defeats as they make their way toward the final battle that will will bring resolution to the town of Hawkins.

Today(or I guess yesterday since this published after midnight) Burchy and I celebrate 30 years of marriage. Thirty “seasons” of our own adventure that began not in a laboratory trying to produce people with supernatural powers but in a facility that provided the tools and means to develop into better baseball and softball players.

Like the cast of the show, we started our journey very young not playing a game on a board but playing a game on diamonds made of dirt. Now, neither one of us was taken by a demogorgon but that’s not to say that through the years we haven’t faced our share of “creatures” that managed to pull us into the “upside down” a few times. Being in unknown places and circumstances can be scary not knowing how to navigate the world that felt dark and not sure what was lurking around the corner wondering if you’d even find the passage back to the “right side up”. The one constant through all the encounters, good and bad, was Burchy being by my side.

Burchy is my “Joyce”. When it comes to her family she never wavers in moments of danger and is willing to protect what is in her charge. She has a never ending supply of hope which is derived from her deep roots of faith. Is she ever fearful? Yes, but it’s hard to see but she meets the challenge head on even when facing a “demogorgon” or “Vecna” himself. Her weapon of choice is her devoted faith and love for her family and she always prevails.

I also feel she has a bit of “Will” in her as well. She can be vulnerable at times, sweet(even though she will argue she’s salty), and fun loving with a great sense of humor(thankfully, being around baseball boys for over 30 years). But……she can sense the presence of danger, her motherly intuition, and when necessary find the power within, her super mom powers, to ward off anything that is trying to harm the people she loves.

Of course, on rare occasions, I have seen glimpses of “El” come out where she uses her God given talents and strengths to do things that just amaze me……just without the nosebleed. Those talents and strengths extend well beyond the physical, which I must say she could probably throw a softball pretty dang hard and heaven forbit she hits you with the “bullet”….IYKYK, but some of her superpowers exist in her ability to connect and relate to people. She is like Tim Allen in the movie “The Santa Clause”, kids just seem to love her. She has been an elementary teacher for 27 years and even taught at the high school level for 4 and the result was the same, she builds great relationships wherever she goes not to mention the countless baseball players over the years.

For over thirty years Burchy and I have “grown up” together. We have grown as individuals but more importantly we have grown in our marriage as it relates to our faith, how we love each other, and how we have grown in parenthood to Kaden and Ketch. Her steadfast love and faith have pulled me out of the “upside down” a few times over the years and she is always waiting with open arms and understanding ready to move on to the next chapter of the story.

Burchy, I am forever grateful for 30 amazing “seasons”. Starting with standing on the alter and saying “I do”, you have been at my side for some of the most amazing moments of my life and I would not have it any other way. Tomorrow night the “Stranger Things” finale brings a great story to an end but today(might be tomorrow by the time I publish this blog) as we celebrate 30 years of marriage tomorrow is a day to celebrate another day, as Suzie and Dustin would sing, of our never-ending story. We get to continue our campaign and add to our story as we build new tunnels to new adventures that await.

Just as Max was “running up that hill”, I say “Here’s to Us” Burchy! When I reflect on our thirty plus years I come to one conclusion, I’d go with you to dimension x, I’d follow you to the “upside down” and if a wormhole existed to take us back to 1995 I’d do it all again.

Happy 30th!

I love you to infinity Burchy! Here’s to thirty more!

Kinger

The Race Beyond 20,110

Life is often measured and judged by milestones and accomplishments. We are often able to look at life’s scorecard and see the wins we have collected when it comes to things we have either acquired or accomplished through money, hard work, generous giving, or just pure luck. Life’s journey presents us with opportunities to achieve many milestones along with the many things we are able to acquire. I have had a blessed life and can reflect on many accomplishments and milestones along the way. Successes and failures alike have marked my journey through faith, family and sport. These successes and failures have helped shape me and continue to help me be the version of myself I am to date.

Today marks another milestone in my life, one that I have pondered for a while but it used to seem so far away until now. I am waking up today to day 20,111. This is a day that my dad was not able to experience. My dad passed on October 27th, 1995-day 20,110 of his life. I was 25 years old and 30 years down the road seemed so far away at the time. I knew my dad’s life was cut short and he passed away early. As the years have passed and more milestones have come along I have slowly kept the realization that day 20,110 was approaching.

As I slowly aged through my forties and now midway through my fifties, there have been moments where I was able to sit and reflect on the gravity of trying to realize just how short my dad’s life was. Aging comes with more clarity that life does end for all of us at some point and no one really knows how much sand is left in their own hourglass. We really only get one shot at this thing called life and the finality of it tends to creep up on me from time to time. As I sit here and write this, I just can’t imagine today being my last day. There are so many things I still want to experience and accomplish. Many more milestones I’d like to reach. Knowing my dad lived for 20,110 days, my hope is that he found satisfaction and pride in the achievements and milestones of his journey. I know in hindsight, I find peace in knowing that I was able to visit him and tell him I loved him one more time on day 20,110.

I wake up today with a sense of gratitude. Grateful for yet another day but grateful for a day my dad was never able to experience. I think we all tend to get wrapped up in the journey of life with all the blessings and adversities it throws our way only to glance back and not realize the significance of each day and what a blessing it really was for us. We tend to wish days away in order to escape some moments or hurray and get to that next milestone. As I grow older, I try to make a better effort of being present each day and in each moment to recognize it truly is a gift.

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, they call it the present because it truly is a gift”-Brian Cain

Over the past few years, due to my oldest son’s influence with his job at Fleet Feet, I have started a new journey in the running world. This Sunday I will run the Battleship 12K in Mobile, Alabama. I have run in a few events but considering the timing of this event and the location, I thought it would be appropriate to dedicate this run to my dad. The USS Alabama is a place we visited as a family when I was much younger on one of our journey’s as a family. It one of the places that my dad introduced me to as well as many others. He was always up for an adventure whether it be planned or a spontaneous 24 hour trip to Worlds of Fun with a buddy to ride roller coasters. Running has given me an opportunity to try and maintain my health but I also realize that it gives me a chance often to be alone with my thoughts. Day 20,110 has been thought of often on training runs and as I continue to run thoughts will now shift to how I can make the most of day 20,111 and beyond. Any race has a start and a finish such as life. Along the course of the race, there are moments of strength and doubt. There are parts of the race where there can be hills and valleys. We run the race with others but yet we run the race alone, competing with ourselves to be better than we were before. We reach the finish line with a sense of accomplishment and yearn for the next race despite the trials and training we endure to run the next race. This race we call life, is a one shot deal. We run it with others, giving and receiving energy, adjusting the pace along the way, sometimes falling but having the strength and courage to get up and keep running, enjoying the view along the way and being grateful for the opportunity to run the race to finally cross the finish line with a fist pump and a sense of pride.

Hebrews 12:1-2

“And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.”

I am grateful for today, day 20,111. I hope that the day I finish my own race my dad will be there at the finish line to congratulate me and say job well done. Thank you dad for teaching me through your 20,110 days how to run my race.